Story of Love

Story:
My dad always had an angry streak while my sister and I were growing up. If his ego was ever challenged he just would blow up. Frequently while working on a project with us, or on his own, if a challenge to his skills or to his ego arose he would start to swear and yell and a hush of fear would fall over the whole family. There was nothing that we could do and there was nothing that we could say because he was so sensitive and emotionally injured. This negative trend continued up until my sister and I headed off to college. Over the process of going to school and returning home we both gained new perspective on life and the way that we percieve things to be. Each time we would come home to visit we would bring new ideas home to dad and mom, and they would always adopt new ways of living that we presented such as buying local and orgainic foods, using cloth bags and composting. They even bought solar pannels for their home.
After I finished my first year internship at a non-profit in the Sierra Nevada, I began to delve even deeper from environmental dis-ease to my own emotional and spiritual ailments and healing. Over this period of time I began to express things that I never had to my parents. Things that I had never said before that seemed terrifying to say about problems in childhood and how they effect me today. Speaking these words often felt like jumping off a cliff and I didn't know who would catch me. My parents heard me and gave me love as best they could as I moved forwad in this self inquiry. Over this time I began to notice changes in my dad too. He started dropping external negative habits in himself expressing his own vassanas and crying a lot more. Things have been pretty hard for both of us over the past couple years, but we are now facing things and bearing the pain like never before. The whole family has been noticing the changes in my dad. We were driving in San Francisco last month and we were very lost for hours. My dad kept his cool and stayed more patient than the rest of us. This is unheard of in given his history. This is just one of the many examples of his ablity to cope and to not get angry that I have witnessed. He and I both have been meditating and trying to listen to God/Amma more thatn listening to our own loud egos that want to be heard and feel frustrated. I feel like we are approaching change and challenge in a whole new way. I thank Amma for giving us both the strength and patience to face these negative tendancies; and for showing us the light at the end of this tunnel to walk towards even if we feel blind right now. I read an amma quote this morning that said "you are love!" And I believe it. Understanding this allows me to witness the false me based on fear that has been parading around as me for so many years. Another moral to this story that is unfolding is that once you begin to look inside of yourself you unknowingly open a window for others to do the same. I had no idea that my family would be moving forward together spiritually like we are, but each time one of us take a leap of faith, or opens thier eyes to unbelievable pain it becomes an invitiation for others to do the same. Thank you Amma for lifting us up each day.
Om Namah Shivaya

In courage and in love
Leah